At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
