Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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