he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize