Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
