So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
