dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She announced her abortion via fbk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
