Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
