i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
