Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
