everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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