return my video game
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
