Sry I called you an 8
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
