Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
