Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
