I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
