I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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