I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
