before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
