it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
