your parents love me but you hate me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
