We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
