so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
