Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
