Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
