did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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