if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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