Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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