Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
