There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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