he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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