That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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