new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
