I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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