Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
