you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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