i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
