Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
