I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
