just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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