there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
