she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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