His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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