Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
