Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
