1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
