You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
