Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
