I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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