yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
