mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
