That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
