She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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