When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
