We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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