I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
