you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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