Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize