Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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