ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
