Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
