he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
