My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
