did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
