and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
