I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
