im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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