Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
