I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
