I think my fart just growled at me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
