So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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