i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
