i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
